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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Quick background I am the father and have full legal and physical custody of my 3 kids. Their mother can only see them in a supervised setting. That being said she had not paid any money in 3.5 years. And had not seen the kids for about a year when they caught up with her on July 4 and placed her in the county prison for 6 months on the domestic relations bench warrant. When she went into prison they located her a job and I started receiving payments. After 3 weeks they stopped as she was kicked off of work release. Her 6 month stay is coming to a close. I have called my local Domestic and they said they put to review for enforcement. What I want to know is if anyone has any experience with this on either end? I had an Uncle who was remanded for failure to pay, his sister paid the money and he was out in a few days. With my ex-wife her parent's and sister's have refused to help her with this so she has stayed in the entire time. So will they just let her out even though she was supposed to pay half of what her total arrears are @ 10k roughly?
 

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I don't think there is any set in stone rule for what you ask. Technically they can hold her for ever, except that the economy stinks and the enforcement folks have been giving every unemployed person who owes support some slack depending on the job market. Worse yet, there is a law now to suspend support while a person is in jail without an income. She probably has no assets like a house or car to apply the child support lien against, if you were to convert it to a judgment lien.

She is a deadbeat. You can't get blood out of a turnip. Keeping her in jail serves only to impoverish the tax payers. Let the support keep racking up and pray that she wins a lottery or slips and falls and is owed a judgment you can collect against. Unfortunately, there are a great many fathers and mothers in the same boat as you. Too many folks who would rather be scum than face their responsibilities.
 

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Your best hope, if collecting is the goal, is to get her out of jail, and into a regular job. Her wages will be garnished, and you might get some of that money that your kids deserve. Good luck.

I write a huge check every month for support, even though I have my kids 50%, but I will never miss that payment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well they let her out on this past Saturday. Her scheduled day of visitation is Sunday. She was calling me 15 mins after her scheduled start time. I was at a wrestling tournament with our son and our daughters were at a Museum with my wife. I told her she should have called or mailed a card prior to Sunday morning and that the kids are not coming. About 40 mins later I rec'd a call from a State Trooper regarding the custody order. I told him she hasn't seen kids in over a year, she was just released from prison for failure to pay, in and out of drug rehabs, etc, etc. He said okay and he advised her it's a civil matter and she can file a contempt petition. If I would have known that I would have filed one on her for the past 50 Sundays in a row; she hasn't shown up for her day. Anyway good news is Domestic relations just notified me that they have her scheduled for another contempt hearing(regarding the child support) in 2 weeks. No word on whether she file civil contempt for "violating" custody, but my lawyer says it's garbage if she does and will not see the light of day.


Good job, Larry! My ex and I had 50-50 custody for 4 months, preceding me gaining full legal and physical custody of them. She's only assessed at $315 a month for 3 kids; we had a private agreement and I was paying over 3 times that amount for 50-50 custody. When she didn't like that I was paying her by the week, instead of giving her the entire nut in a lump sum at the beginning of each month she took me to domestic relations. They ended up lowering my support payment there.


I don't need the child support money from her, I have done just fine without it. But I did file for it as wanted her to take some responsibility for the kids, as she was breaking my shoes that with our previous private agreement, when I was paying her; she said I wasn't taking care of the kids enough financially. Now I flipped that around on her.
 

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I have suggested a provision that suspends a court order of visitation where the visiting parent doesn't show for over three months and that the visiting parent needs to give 21 days written notice to resume the order schedule. Too many parents disappear for months or years and then just show up and expect to immediately disrupt lives that had to get along without them. But the court here keeps shooting that down.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
zimmerstutzen said:
I have suggested a provision that suspends a court order of visitation where the visiting parent doesn't show for over three months and that the visiting parent needs to give 21 days written notice to resume the order schedule. Too many parents disappear for months or years and then just show up and expect to immediately disrupt lives that had to get along without them. But the court here keeps shooting that down.
Yes this! I agree! Too bad this wasn't included in the legislation that took effect around the end of or right after Rendell's term ended regarding child custody.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
And the saga continues...

Had a hearing this morning. She brings in paperwork, that she's so depressed and opiate dependent that she is temporarily disabled and unable to work until January 15, 2014. So now I'll be going back again in a month for another hearing on her petition to modify the support order, as she wants to suspend it and not have any more arrears accrue. She living at her parent's, getting food stamps, medical but no cash assistance. If someone is that dependent and depressed, then they shouldn't be able to see the kids the one day a week she is allowed?!? Time to lawyer up, I guess.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yeah, I think I will lawyer up. Her visits already must be supervised.
 

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widowmaker7521 said:
And the saga continues...

Had a hearing this morning. She brings in paperwork, that she's so depressed and opiate dependent that she is temporarily disabled and unable to work until January 15, 2014. So now I'll be going back again in a month for another hearing on her petition to modify the support order, as she wants to suspend it and not have any more arrears accrue. She living at her parent's, getting food stamps, medical but no cash assistance. If someone is that dependent and depressed, then they shouldn't be able to see the kids the one day a week she is allowed?!? Time to lawyer up, I guess.
IMO if your lawyer can't stop the visitations all together with the "opiate dependent" it's time for a new lawyer and fast. I went thru a lot of crap in my divorce and would have lost custody in a heartbeat if I would have said that. And no I don't have any dependencies.
 

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if the moneys not important to you as you said, just forget it. let her see the kids on those rare visits without this obvious drama. it's not your job to teach her responsibility, this just seems like revenge to me. let it go, the less interaction you have with her, the less she affects your life, which she obviously still does.
 

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yellodog said:
if the moneys not important to you as you said, just forget it. let her see the kids on those rare visits without this obvious drama. it's not your job to teach her responsibility, this just seems like revenge to me. let it go, the less interaction you have with her, the less she affects your life, which she obviously still does.
I agree with this, but eventually if she does get herself cleaned up, she may want more contact. If I were in your position Widow, I'd let it go and see if she can get herself together. If she does, great. Then your kids may have a shot at some normal relationship with their mother. If she doesn't, you'll have lost nothing and saved your children a lot of drama and heartache. But that is just my opinion. I've been on the other side of this issue as my ex has custody of my oldest child. I was in arrears over 10 k at one point. Never was put in jail but came very close. I am no longer in arrears and we get along just fine. Sometimes it takes time for these things to work themselves out. I took my divorce a little harder than she did and it took me longer to get to a point where I functioned normally. Not saying this is the case with you. Just my experience. Good luck.
 

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Opiates & my kids....
IMHO don't mix... Your not responsible for her
But you are responsible for your children...
Slam the door...
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
dennis h. said:
yellodog said:
if the moneys not important to you as you said, just forget it. let her see the kids on those rare visits without this obvious drama. it's not your job to teach her responsibility, this just seems like revenge to me. let it go, the less interaction you have with her, the less she affects your life, which she obviously still does.
I agree with this, but eventually if she does get herself cleaned up, she may want more contact. If I were in your position Widow, I'd let it go and see if she can get herself together. If she does, great. Then your kids may have a shot at some normal relationship with their mother. If she doesn't, you'll have lost nothing and saved your children a lot of drama and heartache. But that is just my opinion. I've been on the other side of this issue as my ex has custody of my oldest child. I was in arrears over 10 k at one point. Never was put in jail but came very close. I am no longer in arrears and we get along just fine. Sometimes it takes time for these things to work themselves out. I took my divorce a little harder than she did and it took me longer to get to a point where I functioned normally. Not saying this is the case with you. Just my experience. Good luck.
Thanks for the GL.

I've moved on and re-married.

I will contact a lawyer though and see what options are regarding taking kids for the once a week visit with her condition and discuss pro and con of dropping child support order.
 

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Good luck buddy, I know you've been going through this crap for far too long! My advice would be to make sure you document everything, when she comes, doesn't, anything else and keep it dated and timed. Helps you case in the long run and keep the kids in a healthy relationship with their dad not the train wreck!
 
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