"Last year we couldn't win at home and we were
losing on the road. My failure as a coach was
that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play."
- Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
"Blind people come to the ballpark just to
listen to him pitch."
- Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver
"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and
my cash to run out at the same time. If I can
just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be
- Doug Sanders, professional golfer
"All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives
'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me
- Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher
"I found out that it's not good to talk about my
troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear
them don't care and the other twenty percent are
glad you're having them."
- Tommy LaSorda , LA Dodgers manager
"My knees look like they lost a knife fight with
- E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker
regarding his 12 knee operations
"My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone
and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to
play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead,
your chances aren't as good."
- Vic Braden, tennis instructor
"When they operated, I told them to add in a
Koufax fastball. They did – but unfortunately it
was Mrs. Koufax's."
- Tommy John N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm
"I don't know. I only played there for nine years."
- Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked
if Tom Landry ever smiles
"We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke
from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one
was pale as a ghost."
- John Breen, Houston Oilers
"The film looks suspiciously like the game itself."
- Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a
lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons
"When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to
get a standing boo."
- Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher
"I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the
ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually
in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."
- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner
"I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be
fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and
moving the ball."
- Lou Holtz , Arkansas football coach
"I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday."
- Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a
"I tell him 'Attaway to hit, George.'"
- Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice
he gives George Brett on hitting
"I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is
when they do the operation on someone else, not you."
- Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers
"Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash."
- George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying
the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25
"The only difference between me and General Custer is
that I have to watch the films on Sunday."
- Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach