how to say no - The HuntingPA.com Outdoor Community
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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
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how to say no

Cabin was flooded in 2011...totally destroyed. Busted my butt, not to mention my wallet, to get it back, turned into a second home not a cabin. My dad passed theyear before the flood and deeded it to me and my brother. My brother wanted no part of the rebuilding, either financially or work wise. Now I got people, who did not lift a finger to rebuild, asking me to come up and stay and hunt and fish like old times. I tell them no, and they make me feel like I am the jerk. Anyone else have to deal with this? I even had to tell my brother=in-law no, that he was welcome anytime because he is family, but that he could not bring his buddy Jerry with him. Now my brother inlaw is upset...my point is...this isn't a "cabin" anymore. It's like a second home.
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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 05:30 PM
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Re: how to say no

Buy him out, or let it go.

The more the merrier, right? The good 'ole days. Family is family, unless they are insufferable.
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 05:31 PM
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Re: how to say no

Looks like you have a camp owned by two people, therefore you better find a way to settle tie breakers. You chose to fix it up knowing you were still only half owner. That doesn't take away your brother's ability to make decisions regarding HIS property. I know that really bites, but in the eyes of the law I think you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you and your brother have a good relationship, it might be time for a campfire beer session to talk about the future of the property. Wish you luck

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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 05:31 PM
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Re: how to say no

That's exactly how you say no, it's not a hunting cabin or club, it's my home. Don't delineate "second" home, it's your home. Tell them they are welcome by invitation only.

Wishing I was at camp!
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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 05:32 PM
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Re: how to say no

Make your rules and stick to them, they were not there when you needed them, let them know that......
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 06:19 PM
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Re: how to say no

From experience I would probably change the delivery of the message.
I did the vast amount of heavy lifting for a camp rebuild. I still enjoy the finished product. Was not excited about every trip nor day working on it by myself. Actually worked myself up to a high level of agitation with the other guys.
It came to me shortly after finishing that a few basic ground rules would be better than exploding. The building and grounds need maintained. There were some final touches that could be finished over time. Some improvements/changes could be made on top of what I completed. But I was not going to be the leader of these tasks.
Had a brief conversation about expectations for use of place with each person individually. My talking points were keep place clean and their help was expected in maintenance.
We had a core user not come back. But the other guys have not been reminded since. I sometimes cut the grass etc but the gas cans are full, mower works etc.

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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 06:22 PM
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Re: how to say no

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hittingguru
it's my home.
I sounds like it is his and his brother's home.

There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 07:09 PM
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Re: how to say no

Quote:
Originally Posted by irishxc
My dad passed theyear before the flood and deeded it to me and my brother.
Therein lies the problem. Like I said, see if he'll sell his share to you. Then you can claim it's "your home." Because the way I see it, blood, sweat & tears notwithstanding, it's just as much his camp too.
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 07:14 PM
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Re: how to say no

You need to start the discussion with your brother, with a full detailed list of the time and money that you have spent on the remodel/fixup.

Gobble,Gobble,Gobble -> BANG
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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-08-2014, 07:30 PM
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Re: how to say no

About 20 years ago, my uncle was rebuilding our family camp. He asked my brother and me to help but I was in the military stationed 8 hours away and my brother was busy being a teenager chasing tail during the summer break. After the new camp was constructed, we were no longer a part of it and understood that. Others had helped, we didn't. So about 8 years ago, my brother and me built our own camp. Did it ourselves. We know we did all the work but anyone is free to come. Yeah it would have been nice to have friends and family help but you know what?,......we have the best time in the world at camp and don't give it a second thought. You didn't help,....no problem. Here's a beer and some food. Now sit down near the fire and tell some good deer stories.


The point is, you can hold a grudge or resentment for doing all the work yourself or you can let it go and enjoy your family and friends at that special place where memories are made that last generations. I have a feeling this story won't end well but I'm holding out hope.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy JM
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