Originally Posted by AgesofDays
has anyone one gone through a divorce that can offer some advice?
Advise: If there is a chance to save the marriage I would recommend to do so...use professionals if necessary...much more economical than a divorce. However, if the marriage truly has no future. Don't make it ugly or fight over fault. Set down, be respectful, act like adults, take the personalities out of the equation and treat the division of the marriage as if you were both third party arbitrators working toward a reasonable split. If there is a conflict which becomes a major issue, put it on the side and reach an agreement on more agreeable issues first. This will improve the process of later handling the more objectionable issues.
If the situation shows signs of getting out of hand, stop all debate at once and agree to met at some future date to allow a cooling off period.
If you can accomplish a reasonable agreement on your own you will both leave the marriage as stronger people not as presuming each other and yourselves as failures. An ugly split will most likely leave both of you with baggage you will carry throughout your lives and have a negative impact on your rational discussion making.
I know this is very difficult, but if the two of you can leave the relationship without the services of an attorney, your will each have more assets to split. Once you both invoke an attorney you have retained a professional who is trying to get each of you the most and all too often cause huge conflicts among the couple and children at any age. All the while the two attorney are laughing and playing golf with each other at the new Country Club the two of you have just paid their membership.
Also don't get mislead by advise from friends. They may mean well, but they have nothing to lose in the fight.
Good luck!!... it is tough....Keep your class throughout the entire split; whereas, your friends ,kids, family and you yourself will think more of the two of you....