Joke of the Day 3/14/15 - The HuntingPA.com Outdoor Community
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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Joke of the Day 3/14/15


The Female Demerit System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.



Here is a guide to the point system:



SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)



You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-20)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer (-20)

Tina has silicone implants (-80)



HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Itís funny until somebody gets hurt, then itís hilarious
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 10:38 AM
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15


wmu 3A
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 12:26 PM
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15

Timberdoodle, wake up! It'll be soon be time for joke of the day!


William will you teach me how to write, Cassius will you show me how to fight.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 12:32 PM
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15

Looks like the JOTD has offered a little OT pay for the weekend writers to produce better stuff..........

After 31 years of marriage, I find I cruz through most weeks hovering around a negative 37,000 demerits............ but then I have always been a over achiever.........

Your never to old to learn something stupid
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 01:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15

Quote:
Originally Posted by timberdoodle
See, this is why you can't get out of the negative demerit category.

Itís funny until somebody gets hurt, then itís hilarious
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 01:20 PM
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15

I still owe the police academy about 843.... put it on my tab!

wmu 3A
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 05:04 PM
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15

Stupid math!

I don't have ducks. I don't have rows. I have squirrels. And they're drunk.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-14-2015, 08:42 PM
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Re: Joke of the Day 3/14/15

and the point system is subject to change without notice.
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