You might be a trapper if . . . - The HuntingPA.com Outdoor Community
 
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-03-2012, 10:22 PM Thread Starter
SJA
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You might be a trapper if . . .

You might be a trapper if . . .

Your trucks cup holders have bottles of lure/urine in them.
The smell of a skunk gets your blood racing.
You can identify road kill at night on the other side of the highway doing 65mph.
Your not dead you just smell that way.
You've ever got a direct hit in the face from a skunks rear.
You've got at least 1 black fingernail at all times.
You've ever said, "That don't stink, smell this...Now THATíS a good stank!"
You stick your face closer to take a bigger whiff while everyone else lay gagging on the floor.
Your wife is afraid to open the freezer.
You get waders, stakes, and trap parts for your birthday.
Your wife asks you to move your drying furs from the kitchen wall to the freezer because she is expecting company.
When your on a date and you stop by three farms to make sure nothing has changed for trapping season.
When someone says 330 and they don't mean a rifle.
When you bought a stainless steel table for the kitchen, with skinning in mind.
When your wife knows not to bring any packages you receive into the house.
The UPS guy curses your name!
When people leave dead animals at your door step as a sign of good will.
Your ďMy Photos of Beaver Pics" files on your computer doesn't contain anything xxx rated.
You check the outside cat to see if itís fur is prime yet.
When the school nurse calls home to see why your kids have Rabies prevention shots.
Your Chicago cutlery knives have spent more time in the fur shed than in the kitchen.
Your friends and family drive by a road kill animal and think of you.
You have two blenders: one for mixing drinks and one for mice.You think fish oil should be labeled "supplement quality, mink quality or coon quality."
You are pulled over by the cops. They search your car. They are frustrated when they find 300 hypodermic needles and 36 oz of skunk essence, but no heroin.
People call you to tell you a tell you where road kill is.
You come home to find a dead coon or fox on the car port and don't know who left it.
You've ever threatened to skin your dog for barking all night.
Your hands smell worse than your feet.
When your on vacation and you point out set locations.
You save your dogs frozen pee in a baggie for wolf sets.
When you add pure skunk to your lure's, and say I canít smell it, so you keep adding more.
You ask for dry dirt for Christmas . . . waxed dirt would be asking too much.
You got a double long spring tattooed on your back.
Your wife asks if a walk in freezer would make more sense than all of the chest freezers.
If you ever got caught parked in the middle of a highway picking up a road-killed possum while fending of irate spectators with a trapping trowel yelling "I was here first"!
If you can spot a 1/4" thick beaver chewed stick at 60 mph through a 2 foot gap in the brush.
*If you count pelts instead of sheep when trying to go to sleep.
*If your most favorite song of all time is "Muskrat Love" by the Captain & Tennille.
*If your next trapping challenge is to create a fur market for Chipmunks.
*If a nice cleaned and brushed beaver fur is your idea of original XXX.
*If a fox is in your Chicken house, you're more worried about him getting away than him eating the [censored] chickens!
*Even though you've been told that the Easter Bunny doesn't exist, you're still determined to prove everyone else wrong.
*You play in a weekly card game that trap pans are used as chips.
*Your wife or girlfriend wants a fur coat for Christmas . . . so you make her one out of what you didn't sell.
*You use shiny new snare cable for tinsel on your Christmas Tree.
*The wife gets mad because you took the chains out of the bedroom to use for drags.
*You think putting rebar in concrete is the wasting of good stakes.
*You pay for your kids college education ONLY if they get their degree in chemistry . . . and pay you back by discovering and patenting an ALL CALL LURE!
*When trapping season ends you're so depressed that you want to wrap up in fur and go into a self induced coma until next year.
*During the summer you make a big slicked up mud mound in your backyard for you and the kids to use as a slide.
*You get teary eyed watching dandelion fluff blowing in the wind . . . it reminds you of escaped fur.
*Your idea of fashion sense is a skinning apron in any other color than green, blue, yellow, or black.
*You tell your divorce attorney the wife can have everything except the fur shed and the freezer.
*You mark your DVD player "DANGER!, Trapping Videos Only!" . . . "Do Not Use!"
*The guys on your local SHA crew have your phone number on speed dial for road kill pickup.
*You start scouting the roads a week before any holidays for that "special" feast. . . YUMMY!
*You watch the original Beverly Hillbillies TV Show over and over trying to figure out Granny's Possum and gravy recipe.
*Your idea of acupuncture is using porcupine quills . . . not those sissy needles.
*Your neighborhood is full of Pit Bulls . . . but that's ok, you walk your Badgers.
*Red Green videos taught you how to catch any critter with Duct Tape!
*You use your kids stuffed animals to test pan tension.
*You insist on playing the part of Jacob Marley in the Christmas Carol play . . . there's just something about the feel of cold chains and steel on the skin.
*You have a neighbor that is constantly whining about everything in his life. Nothing is good, no girlfriend, no money, no friends, blah, blah, blah. He says he may as well end it all! . . . so you, RUSH inside your house, open a just delivered UPS box and race back with a new MBS #7 snare for him to try! . . . after all, donít you do want to know if the cable is real quality?
*Your fur comb has two uses . . . and the first one is for your beard.
*You use wire stretchers and a catch pole for an antenna when the cable goes out.
*You compare your chest hair to beavers you catch . . . and are proud!
*You use reverse psychology on Possums and play dead just to fake 'em out.
*When you have a real bad toothache and you stick your toes in a MB750 just to take your mind off the toothache.
*You put a #1 1/2 trap on top of your alarm clock to prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
*You test the depth of the water with both feet.
*It would be cheaper to ride the train to the end of your trap line than have to buy gas for your truck.
*You agree to let the wife get a nipple ring . . . but only if she hangs a trapper tag on it.
* You use trap triggers as cocktail toothpicks.
* You use cabled stakes to anchor down your camping tent.
* You use Speed Dip to polish your shoes.
* You taught your kids play ring toss with Beaver Hoops.
*You want your wife to use stretcher boards to iron your clothes on.
* Running out of push pins means you have to take some pictures off the shed wall.
*You've discovered that a fleshing tool works great for calluses on your knees.
* You use your fur hangers for your clothes during the off season.
*You peel fruit with a tail splitter.
* You use fur conditioner on your hair after a shampoo.
* You use a gambrel for a pool ball rack.
* You let your wife use your sifter for flour.
* You stick trapperís caps on your neck and tell the neighborhood kids youíre Frankenstein.
* You tattoo your pets with your trap tag number.












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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-03-2012, 10:29 PM
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Re: You might be a trapper if . . .

LMAO!
To funny ....but true
Lackawanna Fox is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-03-2012, 11:05 PM
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Re: You might be a trapper if . . .

thats great
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-03-2012, 11:32 PM
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Re: You might be a trapper if . . .

Wow, I didn't think that would ever end, but I read to the end and very good.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-04-2012, 12:47 AM
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Re: You might be a trapper if . . .


Skin that one Pilgrim and I'll get you another


www.prosqueezings.com / Morgan lures
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-04-2012, 01:19 AM
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Re: You might be a trapper if . . .

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