The Saga of Lizzy - My Monkey
We deployed three operational teams in the Congo plus the Headquarters team in Kinshasa (Formerly Leopoldville). The other three were located in Lubumbashi, Bukavu, and Kisangani. I made an effort to visit each team at least once a month but it wasn't always possible. Because of the social obligations here in the HQ’s, most of us are married but we did have a few bachelors. About three or four months into the tour I realized I had not visited our headquarters enlisted team living quarters, probably because I saw them daily and knew them from previous assignments. Then the following Friday the Senior Sergeant said “Boss why don’t you and your wife come down to the team house tonight for a few brews and see how us peons have to live.” Need I say I said yes and also found out that he invited a few of the other officers and their wives. Boy was I shocked it was a mansion, each had their own private room with a full bathroom, the common area had a large kitchen, living room with TV (although we did not have electricity 24 hours a day) couch, fireplace, footstools, nice big chairs and then the outside had a swimming pool and hot tub. I looked at my wife and told her I should have come over unaccompanied. But best of all one of the Sgt’s had a BIG beautiful german shepherd named Congo who immediately fell in love with my wife and she with him. He followed her around all night and would not leave her side, when we were leaving she told the Sgt if for any reason you want rid of him we will take him. As luck would have it, both for my wife and the Sergeant we got word that he was selected for promotion to Sergeant Major and would be immediately reassigned to Fort Bragg. He had mixed emotions about leaving the Congo but has elated at being promoted to E-9. We planned a farewell/promotion party for him a few nights before he was to leave, everyone was invited to include folks from the embassy. We all had a great time and the food was some of the best I have ever had - for the Congo.. As we were leaving my wife asked him “what are you doing about Congo?” he said, “why I thought you wanted him.” “I do, I do,” she replied. So the next day I was to pick up the dog after work.
When I got to the team house all the guys had gathered outside around the picnic table with Congo. So I had a beer with them and we talked a bit then I told them I had to get home as my wife was anxiously awaiting her new “baby”. That’s when they all got this crap-eating grin on their face and Sarge said, “Elizabeth goes with Congo” who in the heck is Elizabeth I ask? I thought she has a housemaid or some other, well you know. He then pointed up into a huge avocado tree and there was Elizabeth, about a four-foot-tall, fifty-pound monkey! What could I do? I could not go home without the dog but I had no place to put the monkey. They assured me that she would be okay outside and that she never came into the team house. They had a dog collar around her waist and an extremely long rope snapped to it. She could climb into the tree and move freely around, if she got tangled she was smart enough to untangle herself. They had also built her a treehouse and attached it to the tree so that she could get in if she wanted. One of the guys said he would take it down and bring it out to our quarters the next day and help me put it in our tree. Well, Congo, Elizabeth, and I made it home without incident, although I did think about rolling down the window and throwing her out. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, my wife and two daughters made a mad dash to the car. Congo was beside himself with glee, but Elizabeth was just the opposite. She started screeching, baring her teeth, and charging the window. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I told the girls to go back into the house, as soon as they did Lizzy (as she was soon to be known by)settled back down and was as calm as could be. Got Congo out of the car and into the house and Lizzy attached to our Fig tree. Every time the girls went out Lizzy went crazy and ran after them. Our backyard friends had a chimp who loved our daughters, so I sought their thoughts about her problem. It was rather evident to them - Lizzy came from a warrior's village, females there treated as second class citizens, but she was not, she then came into a US Army camp, again all warriors, no female competition. She probably saw other females as threats to her. Try as we might we could not get her to accept my wife and daughters but they didn’t want to get rid of her. I tried to give her away but her nastiness was well known throughout the US, British, Belgian, French, Italian, Israeli communities so it looked like I was stuck with her. The girls kept a wide berth of her and my wife and I were constantly on guard whenever they played outside. Then one day I got a call from my wife at work, she never called me at work so I knew something was wrong.
As soon as she picked up the phone she said you need to come home - right now. Your dang monkey freed herself and is terrorizing the neighborhood. The wife of the Belgian family that lived next to us (never got along with them)was hosting a “tea” for the ladies of the Belgian Embassy and Lizzy had them all confined to the house and had destroyed the party area, cups, dishes, canopy, chairs all broken and thrown about. But the more serious problem was the kids are due home at any time. They ride the bus with an assortment of kids from the international community and the bus stops across the street from our house. So not only are our two daughters at risk but so are any other girls on the bus. I grabbed two of my sergeants, jumped in the car, and headed home at a very high rate of speed. We got there just as the kids started to get off the bus one of the Sgt’s jumped out of the car while it was still moving and ran over to the bus, he herded the kids back into the bus but one little girl was out of arm's reach and headed down the street. Lizzy ran after her as did my Sgt, both arrived at about the same time however Lizzy had already made a very small scratch on the little girl's leg. Sarge scooped her up and gave Lizzy a helluva of kick and she landed a few yards away. Meanwhile, my other Sgt was on the bus with the door closed explaining to the driver what was taking place. I rounded up Lizzy took her home and locked her in the garage. The three of us then took the little french girl home. I expected the worst from the family but was pleasantly surprised when they said " this is to be expected when one lives in the Congo." I told her to take her daughter to the doctor and we would pay for it. So I and my two guys head over to the house for a brew or two. When we got in the house Marge told me she got a call from the Embassy. I am to report to the embassy first thing in the morning and my Commander is to also be present. I called my boss and started to tell him what happened and he stopped me and said: "I am well aware of what happened." He then asked if I had any cold beer and a good bottle of bourbon, I said yes and he said I'll be over. He and I and the two Sgt's drank a lot of beer and killed a bottle of Maker's Mark. After we ran out of beer he said: "guess it's time to go, see ya in the morning and wear your class A uniform with all ribbons and decorations." So after everyone left I got out my Blues and Marge steamed the wrinkles out of the pants and dusted off the jacket. I got all my awards and decorations out and pinned them on, spit-polished my low quarters, and was ready to go in the morning. Spider (The Colonel) picked me up early, he had his jacket thrown in the back seat so I did likewise. When we got to the Embassy he let me off at the front door and drove around back to find a parking place, said he would meet me inside, I grabbed my jacket, put it on, and started in. When I got to the door the Marine Guard gave me a snappy salute and instead of saying “good morning sir” he said, “**** John I didn’t know you were an officer, are you in trouble?” He further went on to say “you must have bought all these fancy decorations on your chest from the five and ten cent store”. While he and I were BSing Spider came walking up he, the Marine, again came to attention and said in a loud and clear voice GOOD MORNING SIR. Spider returned the salute and continued in, the Marine looked at me and whispered “a full bird.” No one knew anyone's rank, not because it was a secret but because we arrived in civilian clothes, worked in civilian clothes, and called each other by our first name or nickname. When we got to the Ambassador's outer office the secretary told us to grab a cup of coffee and go right in. We passed on the coffee, I opened the door for Spider and we walked in, both of us stood at attention before his desk. He smiled and said this ain’t the Army, relax and have a seat. He went on to say: “I heard several versions of what happened, now I want to hear what really happened” So I started to tell my story from the very start up until the incident. So as the story progressed Spider just sat there and at times would grin and shake his head, he knew **** well what the Ambassador was going to say. So at the end of my short story, he said: “John the monkey goes, I don’t give a **** how the monkey goes BUT it will not go to anyone in the American community, nor any of the other international communities. Any questions, before I could say anything Spider said “No Sir, he understands” and with that, we stood up and left. On the way back to our headquarters he told me that the guys at the team house had tried in the past to move her back into the jungle but she would always return, battered and bruised and nobody in the local village wanted her - the only other solution, yep you guessed it, euthanization! Veterinarians are hard to come by in the jungle so we decided to gas her as that would be a painless option. We had a fairly large cardboard box as Marge had just bought a vacuum cleaner and we could not only use the box but also the hose from the cleaner. So we cut a hole in the box just large enough for the hose, taped it to ensure no leakage, and secured the other end to the car’s exhaust. I then put bits of pineapple in the box, unsnapped Lizy from the tree but still left it attached around her waist. Got her into the box and rapidly taped it shut. Spider had been sitting in the car and as soon as he saw me back off the box started it. She howled and jumped around a bit but soon there was no movement at all. We let the car run for about ten minutes, I then picked up the box and shook it, you could feel her tumbling from side to side, no movement at all, Lizzy was dead. One of the advantages of living in the Congo was that the state department furnished you with a houseboy and a guard. So as we had the car running Marge told the two of them that they had to dispose of Lizy, they both shook their heads yes they would. Spider and I went into the house, grabbed a beer, came out, drank it, and then proceeded to the box. I cut the tape, opened it, and was knocked off balance as Lizzy made a mad jump and dashed out of the box!!! Luckily I had the sense to run after her and step on her chain, she was yanked back as she reached the end of the chain and Spider was there to smack her across her head with a rather heavy board we had. We were both disgusted with such a bungled operation that we went in and had another beer, told the two workers to take care of her, and then we proceeded to have a few more beers. After a bit, Spider got up to leave and on the way out I said I was going to find out where they had buried Lizzy. He got in the car and left and I walked around back to find her grave. DANG, they had her on the grill and invited the neighboring house help over for a meal. What could I do, nothing, I told Marge but we never told the kids.
So ends the Saga of Lizzy.